


Alan what are you hiding? Character profiles.

by Xbertyx



Series: Al what are you hiding related works. [5]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Character Profiles, Crack but still true facts, Dick sizes, F/F, F/M, M/M, Random - Freeform, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:43:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xbertyx/pseuds/Xbertyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay so I was bored and I also love getting into these characters.</p><p>This is a human au fic character profile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eric and Alan.

Eric.

Height: 6'4  
Weight: 200-240  
Nickname: None.  
Bmi and weight distribution: 24.3 - 26.8 over weight. Muscle, barely any fat.  
General appearance: Blonde hair with brown section braided. Brown eyes. Ear piercings and a strip of a beard. Hairy legs.  
Shoe size: 13.  
Penis size: 8'. Yeah, no wonder it hurt Alan.  
Piercings and tattoos: Tragus. Nipples and dick. Five ear lobe piercings on each ear. No tattoos.  
Best friend: Ronald.  
Enemies: Ciel, Jacob and Baldroy.  
Skills: Cooking and football. Calming Alan down. Bear hugs.  
Sucks at: Art and poetry.  
Favorite food: Macaroni cheese and lasagne.  
Least favorite food: Bland rice cakes.  
Favorite drink: Rubicon. He likes the mango, ooh.  
Least favorite drink: Fortisip.  
Favorite sex position: Sitting up, with Alan on top of him.  
Had sex with: Ronald, Alan, Grell, Claude, Sebastian.  
Home: Three Percy Rd, Broadstairs, Kent, England. Also Winchester house in Edinburgh and Six Melville Drive, Edinburgh, Scotland.  
Football team: Chelsea.  
Pet peeves. Croaked braids.  
Allergies: Bullies and gobshites.  
Worst moment of his life: Finding Alan's suicide note.  
Dream location: Anywhere, as long as he's with Alan.  
Happiness rating: 10 with Alan. 0 when Alan went missing. 3 with Ronald's tbi.  
Quirks: Tends to jump up and down and squeal like a girl when his football team scores.  
Likes: Cuddles with Alan. Comparing hand size with Alan.  
Most memorable quote: "Tha' doesn't matter. I'll buy ya' a new one and I know tha' ya' scared and confused right now. Tha' things don't seem ta' be makin' much sense for ya' at tha' moment. I know tha' ya' scared of tha' voices, scared tha' Jacob might come back and hurt ya'.But we will ge' through this together. Things will ge' better because I'll help ya' through it. I'll always be here ta' support ya', no matter wha'. I don't need a necklace ta' prove tha' fact tha' nothin' is gunna' come between us this time. We will stay together, forever."

\------

Alan

Height: 5'8 (grows to 5'9 later)  
Weight: 108 (possibly thinner) -125  
Nickname: Al, kid.  
Bmi and weight distribution: 16.4- 19. Underweight to just in the healthy range. Not much muscle.  
General appearance: Brown hair with streaks. Green/ Hazel eyes. No body hair apart from crotch and underarms.  
Shoe size: 8.  
Penis size: 6'  
Piercings and tattoos: Lip and ears. Soon to get a dick piercing. No tattoos.  
Best friend: Ronald and Claude. Luna.  
Enemies: Ciel, Jacob and Joseph.  
Skills: Art. Currently learning japanese.  
Sucks at: Sports apart from swimming. Algebra.  
Favorite food: Kebab, pizza and chocolate cake.  
Least favorite food: Apart from allergies, vegetables and fish.  
Favorite drink: Fortisip.  
Least favorite drink: Apple juice.  
Favorite sex position: Bent over a table when Claude and Ronald are upstairs.  
Had sex with: Eric.  
Home: Ten Midland road, Bradford, Yorkshire, England. Jacobs house and grandparents. (Cannot remember street number as he was too traumatised.) Winchester house in Edinburgh and Six Melville Drive, Edinburgh, Scotland.  
Football team: He hates football.  
Pet peeves. Someone saying they have read anime and watched manga.  
Allergies: Most things. Severe allergy to soya.  
Worst moment of his life: Fucking machine and death of his family.  
Dream location: He's in love with Edinburgh.  
Happiness rating: Varies depending on mood.  
Quirks: Bites his lip nervously a lot.  
Likes: Hip bones and neck being kissed. Snuggles with his love.  
Most memorable quote: The past of someone doesn’t matter … they can … all have a happy ending. That … ending is … all that counts, right?”


	2. Blondie.

Ronald.

Height: 5'9  
Weight: 112-130 (95 at his thinnest due to tbi)  
Nickname: Ron, Ronnie, Ronstar. Blondie by his sister. Lightening bolt in school due to his bright blonde hair.  
Bmi and weight distribution: 16.5- 19.2 (14 with tbi.) Normally slender with light muscle tone. Boney after tbi. Has an extremely high metabolism and has to eat 4-5000 calories to maintain his weight daily.  
General appearance: Blonde hair black section. Green and black. Just blonde. Bright blue eyes. Ear piercings and hair on armpits, crotch and legs. Small light blonde trail from under his belly button.  
Shoe size: 10.  
Penis size: 6.5' (knows how to use it)  
Piercings and tattoos: Nipples and dick. Used to have a belly bar when his grandad got him to have it done. Used to have snakebites. Stretched lobes and industrial. All removed after tbi. A star tattooed on his ass in high school.  
Best friend: Alan and Eric.  
Enemies: Joker, Lau, Agni, Ran-Mao, Baldroy.  
Skills: Basket ball, hockey, net ball, volleyball and football. Guitar, playing piano, keyboard and drums. Blow jobs. Racing around in the garden with a lawn mower when Claude tells him to actually do something productive.  
Sucks at: Cooking and dancing.  
Favorite food: Any kind of cheese and any sweet.  
Least favorite food: Anything healthy, apart from Sebastian's cooking. Vegetables and fruit.  
Favorite drink: Boost and Doctor pepper. Beer and vodka.  
Least favorite drink: Water and fruit juice.  
Favorite sex position: Pile drive.  
Had sex with: Eric, Grell, Claude, William, Adrian on first day of college.  
Home: 31 Hallam street, West Bromwich, West midlands, England. Has also moved to Liverpool, Manchester, Preston, London and back to West Bromwich. Also Winchester house in Edinburgh and Six Melville Drive, Edinburgh, Scotland.  
Football team: West Bromwich Albion. (Boing boing, baggies baggies.)  
Pet peeves. Anyone moving his action figures. Claude don't do it, unless you want that room trashed too. Being hungry. Being called a slut.  
Allergies: Codeine and some epilepsy drugs.  
Worst moment of his life: Death of his three family members.  
Dream location: Greece.  
Happiness rating: 10 usually. Dips to 0 when bad things happen. -10 after tbi.  
Quirks: Ticklish knees. Obsession with Batman and suicide squad.  
Likes: Sex, blow jobs. Knee kisses and belly rubs. Inside of thighs and tail of spine being kissed. Shoulder being nibbled and kisses at the join of his ear. Watching football matches and comedy shows. Wanking over cam to Claude when they first met.  
Most memorable quote (s): "Hand job or blowy?"

"Ah ... fuck, I'm jus' rambling now. But ... If anythin' does happen ta' me ... which it might now ... I dunno. But yeah, if it does ... can y' show this ta' Claude? I want him ta' know tha' I really did love him. I know he's been kinda' snappy wi' me and we'll probs end up fightin' ... but I'll protect him till my last breath ... because I love him.

"And y' two too. I love y' both, man. Haha ... how fuckin' cheesy. But yeah ... it's tha' truth. Family stick up for family, right?"

"Hn - I - they - not cry. I - didn't - c ...cry."

 "Na - fine. Vid - O. Make ... sure y' ... vid - show him."

Ramdom: Due to being in different places, his accent is a messed up cross between a yam yam (Midlands), cockney, Liverpool and Manchester accent.

Still, he got lucky. Could have ended up proper black country like this aunt. With all the:  
Cor = can't. Dow = don't. Cor be arsed = can't be bothered. Ay = isn't. Woe = won't. Ma = my. Bostin fittle = good food. Baart =about. Ta-ra a bit = good bye for now, see you soon. Cob on them = in a foul mood. Bab = Babe. Cack or caggy handed = left handed. Our kid = a younger sibling or friend. Mucka = friend. Lamp ya' = beat you up. Half soaked = dumb. The cut = canal.

Favorite bands: Green day, Papa roach, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith.

Concerts attended: Green Day, Mcr, The Used, Elbow, Mudford and Sons, The editors.


	3. Claude.

Claude   
Height: 6'3  
Weight: 140-160 (140 when will Baldroy.)   
Nickname: N/A  
Bmi and weight distribution: 17.5 - 20. Tall and slim, with well formed chest and abs. Skinny when with Baldroy due to no appetite.   
General appearance: Black hair and dark brown/ almost black eyes.   
Shoe size: 12   
Penis size: 7.5' (Ronnie got lucky.)   
Piercings and tattoos: Nipples and dick. No tattoos.   
Best friend: Sebastian. Also Alan and Eric.   
Enemies: Joker, Lau, Agni, Ran-Mao, Baldroy.   
Skills: Accountancy. Special sexual moves. (Bj and fingering together.)   
Sucks at: Showing emotions. Understanding emotions.   
Favorite food: Doesn't like food much. Prefers Weed. Does like Sebastian's cooking though.  
Least favorite food: Cheese.   
Favorite drink: Tea. Coffee with rum.   
Least favorite drink: Any soda.   
Favorite sex position: Pile drive.   
Had sex with: Eric, Grell, Ronald, William, Sebastian.   
Home: 17 Broad Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, England. Also 12 Orwell Place, Haymarket, Edinburgh and Six Melville Drive, Edinburgh, Scotland.   
Football team: "I dislike such savage sports. I much prefer tennis and golf."  
Pet peeves. N/A  
Allergies: N/A  
Worst moment of his life: Watching Ronald getting raped and tortured.   
Dream location: Paris.   
Happiness rating: Moody arse at the best of times. He's lucky if it ever gets into positive numbers.   
Quirks: N/A   
Likes: Sex, blow jobs, getting in Ronald. Watching Ronald on cam.   
Most memorable quote (s): "It will all be fine in the end. I promise you, no matter what, you and Alan will receive your happy ending."  
"Life can be difficult but also worthwhile. I promise you, however dark things may seem, there will be light at the end of the tunnel."  
"Ronald, get out of here!"  
"Ronald, for God's sake, run! Get as far away from here as you can!"  
"Ronald please ... just get to safety."  
"Shush, my darling boy. You're close now. I love you so much. It'll all be over in a few seconds."  
Favorite bands: Papa roach and Whitney Houston.


	4. Sebastian.

Sebastian.   
Height: 6'1.  
Weight: 165.  
Nickname: Seb. Bassy. Sebby. Teach.   
Bmi and weight distribution: 21.8. Tall and slender, with broad shoulders. Well formed chest and abs. Six pack, yum.   
General appearance: Black hair and chestnut brown eyes.   
Shoe size: 12.  
Penis size: 7.25'.   
Piercings and tattoos: N/A.  
Best friend: Claude.   
Enemies: Baldroy. Cancer.   
Skills: Cooking. Teaching.   
Sucks at: Controlling his love for Claude.  
Favorite food: Anything with salmon or roast pork. Loves Adrian's dog biscuits too.   
Least favorite food: Anything too salty.   
Favorite drink: Tea. Fine wine and champagne.   
Least favorite drink: Beer.   
Favorite sex position: Riding on top.   
Had sex with: Eric, Claude, Vincent and Adrian.  
Home: 12 Queens Lane, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire, England with his adoptive family. 6 Windsor street, Edinburgh, Scotland.   
Football team: "What is that?"   
Pet peeves. Claude stinking his house out with Weed but by part three of elan, he got used to it.   
Allergies: N/A  
Worst moment (s) of his life: Vincent dying. Adrian being diagnosed with cancer. Baldroy almost killing him. Thinking that Claude was going to commit suicide.   
Dream location: Rome.   
Happiness rating: Stays usually around a 6. He's happy but still misses being with Claude. Shoots down to zero when Adrian is diagnosed with cancer.   
Quirks: Likes being bitten in bed.   
Likes: Well prepared food. Sleeping in on Sundays. Reading great books. Having the shell of his ear licked.   
Most memorable quote (s): I love you ... Claude. Maybe more than I realised. More than I would ever tell you again. Part of me still loves you? No ... all of me loves you. Though in equal measure, I love Adrian just the same. Maybe in different ways but - just please don't be dead. Please just have survived tonight, so I can try to convince you that life is worth living. Please ... that is my only wish. Just ... live. I cannot live knowing that ... maybe somehow I could have talked you out of it. That someone ... I could have saved a life tonight. (Thoughts.)  
"Baldroy destroyed you enough for a lifetime."  
Favorite bands: "Excuse me? I enjoy opera."


	5. Adrian/ Undertaker.

Adrian / Undertaker.  
Height: 5'10  
Weight: 148. 130 at end of chemo.  
Nickname: N/A.  
Bmi and weight distribution: 21.2. Down to 18.7. Normally slender with light muscle tone and long legs. Frail and thin after chemo.  
General appearance: Silver hair, which used to be down to his butt before chemo. Light grey eyes but get this! They change colour! Do not get him pissed or he will laugh like a maniac and his eyes will turn bright green. You have been warned.  
Shoe size: 11.  
Penis size: 6'.  
Piercings and tattoos: N/A.  
Best friend (s): The triplets.  
Enemies: His father. Cancer.  
Skills: Baking biscuits. Dissection. Telling lame jokes.  
Sucks at: Knowing when to stop laughing.  
Favorite food: Why is this even a question!? He only eats those bloody biscuits! Oh and marmite spread on top.  
Least favorite food: Anything other than dog biscuits and marmite.  
Favorite drink: one can drink marmite, no?  
Least favorite drink: Water.  
Favorite sex position: Doggy style.  
Had sex with: Ronald. Sebastian.  
Home: Well he lived in London for most of his life but slept in the graveyard, so? Then Wincheter house and 6 Windsor street, Edinburgh, Scotland.  
Football team: *giggles*  
Pet peeves. When marmite had been recalled from all stores across the globe.  
Allergies: Sunlight.  
Worst moment (s) of his life: His mother committing suicide. Father cheating. Father leaving home. Getting cancer and then getting it a second time. Sebastian cheating.  
Dream location: Transulvania.  
Happiness rating: 1000000, bar the times mentioned in worst moments. It tends to plummet to 0 then.  
Quirks: Enjoyed sleeping in coffins as a child. Laughs at everything pretty much.  
Likes: Wearing his university robe in the bedroom. Having his long hair played with. Watching horror films. Halloween!   
Most memorable quote (s): “Eric has quite a crush on you, me dear. Yes he does. He thinks you’re a cutie. He wants to hug you. He wants to kiss you.”  
"Touch me again and I'll leave you in a worse state than Ronnie dear. You'll be like a flattened pancake. Ohhh ... I do like the sound of that."  
Favorite bands: Metallica!


End file.
